census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
