At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize