You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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