Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize