So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
