If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
