she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
