It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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