I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
