Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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