Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Gay?
German.
Pity.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
