I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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