My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
