The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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