I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
