SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I need to stop coming to work sober
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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