Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
