I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Jerry, you need to find god
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
