I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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