So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We are all done wearing pants today
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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