when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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