All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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