what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Your penis caused this!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
