I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
