Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
