yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize