Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
