he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
