break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Your dad touched me again.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
