That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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