She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
