Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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