I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
