i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize