paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
