pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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