i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
