You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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