apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
