i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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