He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize