How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
