we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize