I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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