So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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