We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
