I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
