ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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