i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
