Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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