Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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