So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
