THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize