she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
