Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
