I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
