Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
