She just used a chaser for red wine.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
