Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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