she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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