cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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