She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i came on her dog
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
