Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
