I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
