my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
