I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
