I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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