The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
