Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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