i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
