I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I think your dad took our porno
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
